


Breathless

by Pawthorn



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Drowning, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Grief, Happens off-screen, Hurt Caduceus, Hurt/Comfort, Or I guess you could read it as platonic, Post-Episode 103, Pre-Relationship, Resurrection, Teahaw, Tenderness, WIP, What-If, Wild-bros, they love each other though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25811017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pawthorn/pseuds/Pawthorn
Summary: What If? for episode 103. Beau and Caleb don't find Caduceus. Vokodo can Dispel Magic. Waterbreathing is a magical effect."The change was subtle, but sudden, like a cloud drifting over the moon at second watch.Fjord tried to pinpoint what had shifted within his magic. Something consistent was gone… but not? Weakened? No… Partially gone. Not something he was concentrating on, but something connected with his magic…Oh. Oh no…"
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Caduceus Clay & The Mighty Nein, Caduceus Clay/Fjord, Fjord & Beauregard Lionett, Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 34
Kudos: 155





	1. Fear

**Author's Note:**

> What if Beau had gone left? This idea wouldn’t leave me alone based on three things: 1) Marisha originally didn’t try to make a perception check and chose left, 2) Travis’ reaction to Fjord being left behind and 3) Vokodo and Dispell Magic. To be clear, I loved how things worked out in canon. This is just my own weird little fanfic exploration. WARNING: Chapter 2 will be dark. CW: drowning for pretty much the whole fic. Happens off-screen, but the results are there. I ship Teahaw, but this could just be friendly devotion if you want to read it that way. First AO3 post!

Fjord’s eyes were riveted on the tunnel entrance.

Something was wrong.

They should have been back by now.

Fjord clenched his jaw as his nostrils flared. He should have been one of the ones to chase after Caduceus. He was the fastest swimmer; magic could have made him faster still. But, in the panic of learning Caduceus was in trouble, Caleb had taken off without a word, Jester had cast her spell on Beau, and both had disappeared before anyone had a moment to think.

He huffed out a watery breath, trying to get a grip on his temper. He knew he was being ridiculous. Beau was incredibly fast. Caleb had an arsenal of spells to draw from. Both were amazingly clever. If anyone could find Caduceus and bring him back, it was them. Fjord already had his chance to save Caduceus. His friend had been within his grasp, and he had let him slip away. Of course, it hadn’t helped that Caduceus had  _ blinded  _ him.

Fjord’s pulse throbbed in his temples. He knew it wasn’t Caduceus’ fault, that he was being compelled. But Fjord was still angry. Angry at Caduceus for leaving, at Beau and Caleb for robbing him of his chance to follow, at the rest of his friends for being as useless as he was. He was angry at Vilya, at the whole damn island, at the Traveler for bringing them here, at the dragon turtle for destroying their means of escape, at his crew for letting it. At Vokodo, for being a selfish asshole of a cleric-stealing tentacle crab. But mostly, he was angry at himself for every failure that had brought them here.

Running from the dragon turtle, but not well enough.

Tricking Vokodo with his sword, but not for long enough.

Holding onto Caduceus, but not tightly enough.

“We have to go after them,” said Veth. Again. “They could have been compelled, they could be in trouble!”

“We can’t,” Yasha said.

“If we go in there, we could get caught too,” said Jester. “And we don’t know which way to go or anything, unless, Vilya, can you do anything?”

“As I said,” Vilya said, with a sympathetic wince. “I haven't been here before. If, indeed, these tunnels are spelled to draw us to Vokodo, we could certainly find him that way. But… I wouldn’t recommend submitting to his will. Not unless you have no other choice.”

“Can you at least send a message?” Veth said, darting as close to the tunnel as she dared. “So we know if they’ve been controlled?”

“Yah, yah, yah, I can do that,” Jester said. She looked uncertain. “But should I save it? What if we have to fight Vo-- Guacamole today, you guys? I’ve used so many of my spells…”

“I don’t think we have a choice,” Yasha said. “It’s been too long.”

Fjord could feel their eyes on him. He had nothing to say past the roiling emotions in his chest. He settled for a tight nod.

“Okay,” Jester said, closing her eyes and calming a bit. “I’m going to send a message to Beau. ‘Beau, oh my GOSH where ARE you guys? Have you been MIND CONTROLLED, do you need HELP? Do you have Caduceus? ...Please come back soon.”

“That was really good Jes--”

“Shh Shh Shh!” Jester cut Veth off. “I’m getting something back…”

Fjord finally took his eyes off the tunnel to look at her. His stomach dropped through the floor as her face fell.

“Okay,” she said, voice shaking. “Neither of them got mind controlled, they’re both okay… but...”

Her eyes darted to Fjord.

“They can’t find him,” he said. He was surprised at the steadiness of his own voice.

“They’re really trying,” Jester said, hands wringing. “They’ve tried so many tunnels, but there’s a lot, I mean it’s basically a maze, and Caleb’s spell is going to run out. They’re… they’re coming back.”

Fjord turned away, swimming to give himself some distance, to give his restless muscles something to do besides shake. His friends’ voices faded into the background as they argued about what to do next. Fjord’s pulse thrummed, heavy and burning, as he tried to hold back his curses-- at his friends, at Vokodo, at the Wildmother herself for allowing her gift to be used against him, to put Caduceus in danger. He pulled away from such venomous thoughts, focussing, centering himself at his core, where his magic resided. He tried to find calm there, as he did in meditation with Caduceus.

And that’s when he noticed it.

The change was subtle, but sudden, like a cloud drifting over the moon at second watch.

Fjord tried to pinpoint what had shifted within his magic. Something consistent was gone… but not? Weakened? No… Partially gone. Not something he was concentrating on, but something connected with his magic…

_ Oh. Oh no… _

Realization rushed over him, and with it, horror. The terror that had been lurking beneath his anger surfaced, constricting his chest and blowing his eyes wide.

He shot toward the tunnels.

“Woah, woah!”

“Fjord! What are you--”

He dodged between his friends, ignoring their words. They would hold him back, try to talk, make a group decision, and there wasn’t  _ time. _

He nearly ran into Beau at the tunnel entrance, Caleb trailing behind her.

“Hey!” She exclaimed. “Fjord, get back here! I told Jester, we tried! It’s impossible-- FJORD!”

He ignored her, even as she turned and followed him deeper in. The torchblooms swayed as he swam forward. He felt Vokodo’s will pushing against his own.

He didn’t resist.

Because what was the difference? He wanted to get to Caduceus. Now he knew the way.

"What the fuck, Fjord?" Beau said, struggling to look in his face as she swam beside him. "The others can't keep up, what do you think you're gonna do against Vokodo by yourself?"

"I have to get there."

"Is this the mind control? Talk to me! I swear, I am six seconds away from stunning your ass!"

"Beau!" He said making eye contact as best he could without breaking his pace. "The Waterbreathing I cast everyday. It... changed."

"You can tell that? Wait, what do you mean changed?"

"I think," he swallowed. "It isn't affecting Caduceus anymore."

"Wa-- wha-what, what does that mean?"

Fjord stayed quiet. It could mean a lot of things. None of them were good.

"Fuck," Beau said.

He agreed. 

"You don't have to come," Fjord said. "I don't even know what I can…"

"Hey, Cap'n," she said. "I'm with you. Let’s go get our Firbolg back."

Fjord nodded, warmth of her support chasing away some of the cold dread in his stomach.

He swam on, unsure of where the desperation of Vokodo's will ended and his own began. He was only sure of one thing.

He had to get to Caduceus.


	2. Chill Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: character death, drowning victim.

“Maybe Caduceus dispelled the waterbreathing, you know?”

Fjord thought Beau was trying to make him feel better. Or maybe it was just her own nerves bubbling over against his prolonged silence. Either way, her continuos stream of hypotheticals wasn't helping anything.

“Yeah, I mean, maybe he threw off Vokodo’s charm, got out the other side and figured he didn’t… need it? ...anymore?”

Fjord could come up with many reasons the spell had been severed. None of them gave him any comfort as the minutes stretched, and they swam on.

“Like maybe it has nothing to do with Avocado.”

Unlikely. Caduceus had been headed straight toward Vokodo. And Vokodo was angry with them. Because of Fjord. Because he had summoned his sword back. To cast  _ light _ . A stupid fucking  _ cantrip _ that Caduceus himself could've cast. Would've cast in a moment, if Fjord hadn't decided to show-off and anger a god-like volcano monster.

“I’m just saying," Beau said. "Don't jump to the worst case scenario.”

That was true. Maybe the plan was to trap and control Caduceus somehow. The water in Vokodo’s chamber had been breathable. Maybe dispelling it had merely been a power-play.

The thought gave him pause as slow realization hit him. When he entered the tunnel a second time, he hadn’t felt a change in his breathing between the cavern and the tunnel. Somehow, the stuff they were swimming in was now regular water.

His stomach clenched as he pushed forward, muscles straining.

He thought of Caduceus, walking through poisonous air, trying to hold his breath. Failing.

He thought of Caduceus, deep below Nicodranus, trapped in a swirling vortex of water. Drowning.

Caduceus, the first night on the ship, dripping and lost.

Caduceus, the night Fjord had come to him, bleeding and afraid.

Caduceus, seeing the ocean for the first time.

Caduceus, trying to explain destiny in bean plants.

He pushed harder.

“Talk to me here, Fjord,” Beau was saying. “Do you have a plan beyond ‘Get in there, get our boy back?”

“Do you?”

“...Fair.”

There! The light was changing ahead.

“Okay,” Beau said. “I guess we’re doing this.”

They entered the familiar cavern. As the uncomfortable heat of the cave swept over them, the external compulsion of Fjord’s will ceased to drive him. His own heart was still urging him just as desperately. Looking around, there was no sign of Vokodo. Or Caduceus.

Fjord signaled Beau to sneak around the left side of the chamber as he went right, alert for any movement or sound.

A voice broke through in his mind.

**_Why have you come here again, Thief?_ **

Across the way, he saw Beau freeze, looking to him.  _ Fuck!  _ He had already failed Caduceus, now he put Beau in danger as well. Putting aside his doubt, he nodded to her and continued to stealth around the chamber.

**_Have you come to offer more false praise? To look upon what is MINE, and try to take for yourself?_ **

He and Beau were almost to the other end of the chamber. Where was Caduceus? Had he turned invisible, gotten away before the monster was on him?

**_Or perhaps you come for something else? Something precious gone astray…_ **

Fjord shut his eyes, breathing steadily through his nose. He could feel Beau’s eyes on him. It could still be a trap, a trick…

**_So shiny and bright, such a colorful thing..._ **

It didn’t matter. Fjord couldn’t risk ignoring it, angering it. Not if there was a chance…

**_COME OUT…_ **

Fjord stepped out. Beau followed.

A massive form descended from above. Glowing eyes. Countless dark tentacles. Searing hot with fire and rage.

Vokodo.

The other-worldly being loomed above their heads, regarded them silently. Fjord should have been afraid of this strange, aberrant creature. He couldn’t bring himself to be. He had more important things to worry about.

“Where is he?” he said.

**_Ahhh…_ **

There was a smile in the voice, though he doubted the creature before him was capable of grinning.

**_I do not give up treasure for free. Offer. Trade._ **

Fjord seethed, but immediately began grabbing things off his person. He knew better than to offer the sword again. Instead, a cloak, a shield, a whip, a glove soon floated in the water before him. Just as quickly, they were snatched up. Vokodo’s eyes gleamed as he tucked each away.

**_And…?_ **

Fjord wanted to scream, wanted to cut the monster down right then. But he could play Vokodo’s game for now. He had to. He began unfastening his armor.

“Hey, stop!” Beau said, grabbing his arms.

“Caduceus’ life is worth more than some fucking armor,” he hissed, jerking away.

“Yeah, asshole! You're not the only one who thinks so!” She growled, fire in her eyes.

Fjord stilled, immediately regretting his ire. Beau glared up at Vokodo for a long moment, then began unclasping her bracers.

“Beau--”

“Shut up,” she said tightly. She squeezed her eyes shut, then looked back at Fjord, smiling ruefully. “It’s for Deuces, right? I can do it for him.”

She didn’t watch as the bracers floated away and were quickly whisked away.

“Are you satisfied?” Fjord growled.

**_Satisfied?_ ** The voice sounded amused.  **_Yes, I am._ **

The hulking shape moved to disappear among the shadows on the cave’s ceiling. Fjord’s attention was quickly pulled away as another figure came drifting down. His heart leapt as he spotted the familiar pinks and pastels, and he hurried to close the distance between them. A small voice in his mind was already screaming out that this was wrong, that Caduceus was too still, too quiet. But the relief of being there, of finally,  _ finally _ being able to reach his friend, overpowered the quiet dread that was building deep inside. He reached out, grabbed Caduceus' shoulder.

No response.

"Caduceus," he said, holding both shoulders and gently jostling him. The firbolg's head bobbed with the motion, pink and white hair swirling around his face.

Vaguely, Fjord heard Beau gasp behind him. That didn't matter though, he had to wake up Caduceus. Focusing, he laid a hand across his friend's chest and let some of the Wildmother’s healing energy flow through him.

“Come on, Caduceus,” he said. The verdant magic spilled from his fingers, frosting the front of the firbolgs shirt. Some small part of Fjord’s mind realised that Caduceus’ armor was gone. So were his pack, his shield, his staff. But he couldn’t focus on that, because his magic  _ wasn’t working. _

“Come  _ on, _ ” he growled, gripping the other man’s arms more tightly and pouring in more magic. What was going on? It wasn’t like when Uk’otoa took his powers. The magic was there, it just  _ wasn’t working _ .

“-- gone. Fjord, stop!” Beau was nearly yelling, grasping at his shoulder. He hadn’t heard her till now, her voice had been drowned out by his…

Drowned out…

_ Drowned… _

Fjord pulled Caduceus closer, gently tilted the pliant head until he could see his friend’s face. Finally, he let himself absorb the signs that, as a sailor, he had recognized from the moment Caduceus came into view. The blue tinge beneath the soft fur. The amethyst eyes, bloodshot, drifting open, unseeing. The slack features, showing no hint of the playfulness or confusion or trust or joy that belonged on the familiar, gentle face.

“Come on,” said Beau. “We gotta go, Fjord.”

She was probably right. But at the moment, it did really see to matter where he was.

“ _ Fjord. _ Let’s get him out of here. Come on.”

Mechanically, he gathered up his friend’s long, drifting form. It was awkward-- Fjord’s hands felt numb and cold, though he knew the chamber was almost boiling with heat. That cold seemed to flow along his limbs, encasing him an icy shield against the reality before him. Beau stayed beside him as they headed for the tunnel that would take them back to their friends.

**_Remember this._ **

The voice rumbled again in their minds.

**_The price of lies and betrayal. Do not forget._ **

The ice in Fjord’s veins shot to his heart and burned. He kept moving as Beau paused to look back, tears in her voice.

“Fuck you, Vokodo.”


	3. Raise Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grief, offerings, a ritual

Beau was trying to keep it together. She really was. She had already fielded two messages from Jester-- one before and one... after. All she could bring herself to say was that she and Fjord had Caduceus. And that they were going to need the big diamond. Jester hadn't tried to message again.

Now, Beau was swimming just behind Fjord, occasionally helping to navigate the way back. Fjord cradled the body in his arms, using only strong, steady kicks to move through the tunnels. She could just see Cad's face over Fjord's shoulder, feet drifting on the opposite side, arms and body firmly pressed to Fjord's chest. A memory from a few days ago flashed behind her eyes: Yasha, carrying her the same way Fjord held Caduceus. Jester, following behind as Beau did now.

Just the same.

Horribly different.

Eventually, the quality of light changed ahead. The tunnel ended and, to her immense relief and dread, the rest of the party was there, waiting. She summoned the courage to look at their faces. Even underwater, she could tell Jester was weeping. Veth moved to hold her hand, staring at Caduceus in horror. Caleb was a bundle of nerves in motion-- raking a hand through his hair, rubbing his brow, his jaw-- while Yasha was still as a stone. Looking closely, Beau thought she could see her eyes flashing. Vilya looked sorrowful, but kept her distance.

For a moment, no one moved. Beau wondered if they were thinking of the last time they had all gathered around a fallen friend. Thinking of who had comforted them then, who had helped them through without a second thought.

Fjord was the first to move, hefting Caduceus more securely in his arms and swimming forward. Yasha fell in beside him, and together, they swam toward the largest ship. The rest followed. At the edge of the ship, they paused as Fjord considered how to board.

“Wait,” Caleb swam forward, pulling out components. “Please... allow me to…”

For a moment, she thought Fjord would refuse. His jaw twitched as he regarded their wizard. Then, his shoulders slumped. He nodded. Carefully, he handed Caduceus over to Yasha, then scrambled onto the ship. Caleb cast his spell. There were no claws to be seen on the spectral orange paw that gently lifted Caduceus from Yasha’s arms and onto the deck, where Fjord waited. Beau was the last aboard. There was another pause as they looked at each other--lost.

Jester sniffed loudly, then started to roll up her sleeves.

“Well,” she huffed. “We have a very important ritual to do. For Caduceus. And we’re not going to do it in a dark, watery cave.”

Green energy flashed around her. A massive wave, glinting emerald, rose behind the ship, pushing it forward. A cacophony of banging and splintering lumber filled the cavern as other, smaller ships were knocked aside. The waterfall at the cavern’s entrance loomed as they gained speed. With a flourish, Jester split it in two. They surged through into the sun, rainbow mist and glistening water droplets falling around them.

Caduceus would’ve loved it.

An hour later found them anchored at the beach. Jester said they needed offerings for the ritual-- things to convince Caduceus to come back to them. She made it very clear that she would be providing one of the offerings, and that she wanted some time to get ready and find a good place to do it. Beau didn’t really understand what kind of offerings she meant, but Yasha had nodded and gone into the jungle nearby. Veth had insisted that they needed to get Caduceus dry and cleaned up. Vilya had offered to help, and they had taken Caduceus into the captain’s quarters. Without Caduceus’ body to watch over, Fjord had looked completely lost. Caleb had caught her eye and nodded, sitting near the other man, but giving him space. Good. Beau didn’t think she’d want to talk much following the death of her… whatever Fjord and Caduceus were to each other. Friends didn’t seem to cover it. Not anymore.

Beau decided to look for Jester, to see if she needed any help. She found her not too far away, on a wide stretch of sandy beach. She had brought three barrels with her, and seemed to be mixing paint and sand in them.

“Oh, hey Beau,” she said, sniffling. Tears were still wet on her face. “Um, do you know where the tide comes up to? The ritual takes a while, and I don’t want us to get flooded out.”

“Yeah, sure,” Beau said, examining the shoreline. She started dragging her foot, making a divet in the sand. “I’ll draw a line for you.”

“Thanks,” Jester said. “Can you help me smooth out the sand here too? I want a nice place to… to put him.”

She was crying again, even as she used a palm to brush out the divots in the sand. Beau joined her, both working their way out from a central point.

“This fuckin’ sucks,” Beau said, blinking rapidly. “It was hard enough losing Molly, but now Deuces? Even knowing we can get him back--”

“But that’s the thing, Beau, what if we can’t?” Jester stopped sweeping, clutching her hands in front of her. “It’s a really big spell, and the offerings have to be really good, and… and what if the Traveler can’t even do it? He hasn’t been around as much recently, and last night I talked to him, and he KNEW, Beau, he knew what this island is like, but he wanted everyone to come here so that, like, maybe they’d all forget about him, and he wouldn’t have to be a god anymore, and he said he wouldn’t let that happen to us, but if he doesn’t want to be a god anymore, how can I follow him, and how can I do the ritual and help Caduceus--”

“Hey, hey,” Beau said, rushing across the smooth sand without leaving a mark. She pulled Jester into a hug. “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

“You don’t KNOW that, Beau,” Jester said, clinging back. “I don’t know either. I’m kind of having a crisis of faith here.”

Beau pulled away, looking into Jester’s wet, purple-splotched face.

“We all have faith in  _ you _ , Jester,” she said. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The Traveler is lucky to have  _ you _ , not the other way around. If anyone can do this, it’s you. We all believe in you.” She paused, feeling uncertain. "What would Caduceus say?"

"I think pretty much that," Jester chuckled. She was still crying, but it seemed like the good kind now. "He'd be really proud."

"Yeah, well," Beau swallowed. "Least I can do. He needs a break from the whole wise councilor thing."

"He needs a break, period," Jester nodded, nose wrinkling. "We'll get him back, then he gets a break. The rest of you guys have to work at TravelerCon. Not him. He gets a break." She sniffed again. "Okay. Let's get it ready for him."

* * *

The sun beat down on Fjord's head as they gathered on the beach. It was just past its zenith, high, and bright where it fell on Caduceus. He lay the sand, a riot of color on a field of white. He was dressed in the light, plain clothes he normally slept in, but Veth had adorned him in countless trinkets and buttons. His hair was intricately braided, and back to its former shade of brilliant pink, with no hint of white. Vilya had discovered the lichen in it and used her druidic power to restore it, along with some added hints of new, pale green growth. His hands were folded delicately across his chest. He looked peaceful. He looked beautiful.

Fjord hated it.

He didn’t like this perfect, pristine and unmoving version of Caduceus. The man’s hair didn’t ever stay this neatly braided-- loose pieces were always falling in his face. His hands were never this clean. They were always tinged with spices or grass stains, covered in dough or dirt. Fjord couldn’t even pretend his friend was sleeping. Having roomed with Caduceus for most of their time together, he was intimately familiar with his snuffling, noisy snores. The snores that always let Fjord know he wasn’t alone, even in the dark of night. Snores that chased away nightmares of water and death.

In his mind’s eye, he could see Caduceus-- talking to the forest, seeing a new place for the first time, checking on his beetles. Fjord knew what he looked like when he over-brewed tea, when he couldn’t do what he needed to in the midst of battle, when he woke up to take a watch in the grey hours before dawn. Now, he had to add a new image to those. Still Caduceus. Quiet Caduceus. Dead Caduceus. He didn’t want this image. He didn’t want this memory.

Even so, Caduceus looked more like himself than he had… before. The icy shield around Fjord’s heart warmed just a little at the way Veth had taken care of him, adorning him in her own precious keepsakes. And it was good to see his hair back to its normal, vibrant pink. Fjord loved that color.

As Jester moved forward and began drawing signs for the ritual, Fjord’s stomach clenched. She had said they needed to make offerings. Said they needed to convince Caduceus to come back. Fjord knew that he ought to, that he  _ had _ to be one of the ones to offer something. And yet… nothing. He couldn't think of a thing to offer Caduceus. Caduceus, who gave so freely and so well. Caduceus, who believed in the cycle of life and death. Caduceus, who even now was in the hands of his goddess. What could Fjord offer compared to that?

"Okay," said Jester, taking a deep breath. "I'm going to start."

She knelt at Caduceus' head, speaking softly. The others, gathered at the edge of the wide, smooth space she and Beau had prepared, could just barely hear her.

“Hey, Caduceus,” she said with a shaky sigh. “I really miss you. I know that’s probably a stupid thing to say, because you haven’t been gone that long, but… you just seem really far away right now.”

She paused, swallowing and wiping at her face.

“Anyway, I wanted to paint a picture for you. But thinking about you, and the way you think about the world… about how sometimes things are beautiful because they don’t last forever… I wanted to do it this way.”

She pulled forward a barrel of colorful sand and scooped out a handful. All around Caduceus, the painting formed. Sand drifted from her fingers, green and pink and deep violet. Swirls took on forms as vines and lichen and mushrooms. Symbols of the Wildemother, the Archeart, the Raven Queen wove together at the edges. Two brilliant green hands formed above Caduceus’ shoulders, seemingly cradling his head. At last, she settled in a blank space she had left for herself above his head.

“There,” she said, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Now, hurry back so you can see it. I only put one dick in, and it’s really hard to find.”

With a watery chuckle, she looked up, expectantly. She had left two blank spaces, one on each side of Caduceus.

Carefully, Yasha stepped forward and settled into the one at his right. She pulled out a sunhat, woven from dried ferns and palms, still a little green at the edges. It was well made, with decorative patterns and dried flowers woven in throughout. The flowers were beautiful, delicately pressed and ranging in variety from the whole expanse of Wildemount.

“I noticed yours was missing,” she said carefully lifting his hands and settling the hat beneath them. “I had been saving the flowers for… well, you know. But I don’t think she’ll mind sharing. She would’ve liked you. She taught me that a person could be strong and soft at the same time. That sometimes, it takes the strongest sort of person to be gentle and kind. To hope. To trust." She paused, running a hand down his arm. "I don’t know where you are now. I’m sure it’s very nice. But if you wouldn’t mind, we’d really like you to come back to us.”

She bowed her head, placing her hand on Caduceus’ shoulder.

Silence fell.

Fjord stepped forward, feeling disconnected from his body. He still had nothing to give, nothing ready to say. He felt empty and strange. Still, he took his place at Caduceus’ side. For a long moment he simply looked at the man before him. Tentatively, he took Caduceus’ hand in his own. It was cold. He rubbed it, wishing he could warm it. Wishing he had held it long before now.

“I know I’m supposed to give you something,” he said, voice low. “I’ve wanted to for a long time. You… changed my life in a way that I don’t think many people get to experience. And yes, the Wildmother is part of that. But it was you. You showed me another way to live. A way to be myself. To be honest. To be vulnerable. And, I feel as though I’m just beginning to do that. To share myself with you. And it might be selfish, but I want more. More time. More you. So, I suppose, that’s what I have to offer. Honesty. Vulnerability. Myself.”

Fjord closed his eyes. As he did, the sound of the waves broke over him. He lost himself in it. Caught up in their rhythm, he began to sing.

_ Well I’ve been proud and _

_ Lookin’ in a mirror that’s clouded _

_ With smoke keeping me shrouded _

_ Believing I’m fine _

_ But you wipe clean _

_ All of these illusions that ain’t me _

_ Now you’ve got me lookin’ and I hate me _

_ Where is my spine? _

He had first heard Vandran sing this song, long ago. At the time, he thought it was about the sea. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

_ Peace, you told me, I’m only here to reveal _

_ Where you’ve been stuck and where you’re going if you’re lookin’ to heal _

_ But you’ve gotta drop these vain addictions and hang on to what’s real _

_ You Healer _

He couldn’t think of anyone who embodied the word “healer” more than Caduceus.

_ I want to welcome every shadow _

_ Instead of taking every one to battle _

_ I’m climbing back up into the saddle _

Caduceus had so much more life to live. So much more to share. And Fjord wanted to share it with him.

_ And now I stand tall _

_ Used to think my sorrow was a brick wall _

_ Made me want to curl up in a tight ball _

_ Self-pity dealer _

_ But there’s a gate here _

_ You can only find it if you wait here _

_ Now I’m walkin’ through it with my gaze clear _

_ Me and my true healer _

The waves continued their rhythm as the song ended. Fjord opened his eyes. Yasha smiled back at him, tears in her eyes. Jester’s grin was wider still, tears streaming down her cheeks. After a moment, she shook herself, pulling out the diamond and touching it to Caduceus’ forehead. At first, nothing happened. Then, slowly and subtly, the gem began to dissolve. Diamond dust drifted into the air above the body, then settled over it, sparkling. A cloaked figure appeared behind Jester, hand on her shoulder.

_ Hope you don’t mind,  _ the Traveler whispered.  _ I invited a colleague. _

Large, spectral green hands rose from the ones Jester had painted. They moved to embrace Caduceus, smoothing his hair and settling across his chest. A warm breeze swirled around, picking up flecks of colored sand and sparkling gem dust. Then everything settled. The wind fell, the figure dissolved, the hands sank back into the ground.

Fjord stared into Caduceus face, gripping his hand, too intent to even pray.

Nothing.

Then, with a soft sigh, Caduceus’ eyes blinked open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to include Jester's heart to heart, at least in some form.
> 
> Lyrics are taken from “Blue Healer” by Birdtalker  
> Did I take a song from Fjord’s playlist that is almost certainly Fjorjester and make it Teahaw? Yes, yes I did. Not to worry, I have a permit. *Pulls out a piece of paper that says “I can do what I want.”


	4. Daylight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just very soft.

"Hey."

The voice was breathy with a little squeak in it, a far cry from Caduceus' normal rumbling bass. It was the most beautiful thing Fjord had ever heard. The icy feeling that had encased his heart cracked and thawed. He felt warmer than he had been in a long time.

"Oh, Caduceus," Jester leaned over him upside-down, cradling his face. "Let me help you some more."

Green light cascaded over Caduceus' body.

“Oh, wow,” he said, sounding more like himself. “That’s nice. Is everybody okay?”

Fjord swallowed hard. It was such a Caduceus response.

“We are now," Jester said, supporting him from behind as he started to sit up. Once he was upright, she wrapped her arms around him tightly. "Let's not do that again, okay?"

"Sure… oh wow,” he was examining the hat in his hands. “Wow, Miss Yasha, this is great. This is really nice. You know, I never thought to do flowers in one before. And thank you for sharing. I know how much they mean to you.”

“I know,” Yasha said, still bracing him across from Fjord. “That’s why I gave them to you.”

“Someday,” Caduceus said. “We’ll find where she’s planted. And I’ll find a way to thank her too.”

Yasha smiled softly at him, then gently settled the hat on his head.

“And look at this,” he said, craning his neck around to see the painting. “I’d like to get a proper look at it, if you could--”

He started to rise, and Fjord realised he was still gripping Caduceus’ hand. Rather than letting go, he readjusted his grip and, together with Yasha and Jester, lifted Caduceus to his feet.

“Oh wow,” he said. “Look at that. You remembered the Archeart, and you know, that’s just how I always picture the Wildmother’s hands. This is great. This is really great. Now where--”

Turning to see more of the painting, his eyelids suddenly fluttered rapidly, and he pitched to the side. Fjord’s stomach swooped down to his boots. It took all three of them plus a sudden appearance from Beau to keep him upright. Veth and Caleb darted forward to hover closer.

“What the fuck was that?” Beau said. Fjord would have seconded the statement if he had breath to speak.

“It’s alright,” Caduceus said, eyelids still flickering. “Oh, don’t ruin the painting.”

“Caduceus, don’t even worry about the painting,” Jester said. “Are you alright?”

“Well, yeah,” he said, still swaying. “I was just trying to find the… you know, the dick. Guess I overreached a little, lost my balance. I’m not up to top form quite yet.”

“I should think not,” said Caleb, passing a hand across his jaw. “I am scrawny, but you muscly ladies, could you please get him to the shade over there, maybe against a tree?”

“Okay, okay, good plan,” Jester said, taking most of Caduceus’ weight and starting toward the tree-line. Then her eyes went wide. “Wait, Caduceus, you could hear me? About the dick? Could you hear all of us?”

“Well, yeah,” he said easily. His eyes flicked to Fjord as he said it. “That’s what made it easy to find my way back.”

Fjord’s stomach dipped again, though in a much more pleasant way. He tried to convince himself that the heat he felt in his ears and the back of his neck was only from the sun and the exertion of getting Caduceus settled. Reluctantly, Fjord released the hand he held as Yasha and Beau helped Caduceus sit down. The firbolg smiled as he leaned back against a tree.

“Glad you're okay, Deuces,” Beau said, giving him a one armed hug as she pulled away. Yasha squeezed his shoulder on the other side, as Veth came forward to pat his hand.

“Don’t think I missed your contribution, Ms. Veth,” he said, gesturing lazily to the buttons and trinkets adorning his clothes. ”Thank you.”

“Of course,” she said, studying his face closely, before leaning in to say something. It was too quiet for Fjord to hear.

Caduceus looked startled, possibly even a little concerned, before his features settled. He looked grim, but grateful.

"I think that's a good idea," he said. "But not just yet. I need a little more time. And," he lifted his head to address the group. "I have something to tell all of you."

Fjord looked Caduceus over, took in the sweat on his brow, his labored breathing, the way his eyes were drooping.

"Let's hold off for a moment," Fjord said. “Caduceus, why don’t you rest for a while? The rest of us can talk about what to do next. Does that sound alright?”

Caduceus nodded, looking chagrined, but thankful.

“Okay,” he said. “But before you fight him. I have to tell you before you fight him.”

“You will,” Fjord assured him, leaning down briefly to squeeze his shoulder. For a moment, Caduceus placed his hand on top of Fjord’s and their eyes met. Fjord shook himself and pulled away.

“Vilya,” Jester said. The druid was still hovering nearby. “Can you stay with Caduceus? Oh Caduceus, wait, you’ve got to see what Vilya did to your hair!”

Fjord turned back toward the shore as Jester produced a mirror and Caduceus happily admired the restored lichen, as well as the new color mixed in.

“You know,” Caduceus’ voice drifted across the beach, almost drowned out by the waves. “I’ve always been a fan of green. Big fan.”

Fjord tripped a little.

* * *

Soon the rest of them were gathered near the water. Jester and Yasha were actually wading. Tempting as the water was Fjord preferred to keep his boots on, just in case. He kept a wary eye on the tree Caduceus and Vliya rested under, just in case. He could feel Beau and Caleb doing the same.

“So,” Jester said, reaching through the surf to pull up a large rock and inspecting it. “We can have a ‘Welcome Back from the Dead’ party for Caduceus tonight. I can make a really special meal, and it will help all of us tomorrow, when we fight Guacamole.”

“ _Are_ we fighting him tomorrow?” Beau asked.

“I think the sooner the better,” Caleb said. “Every day we spend here increases our chances of losing our memories. And Caduceus… from what I’ve read he is weakened now in almost every way. We don’t need him to lose anymore to this island than he already has.”

“Vokodo took his staff,” Fjord said with a grimace. “His armor and shield too.”

“That mother-fucker,” Veth hissed under her breath.

“Yes,” Fjord said, anger toward Vokodo rising again. “But the point is, I’m not sure if he can cast spells. He certainly can’t fight.”

“No,” Caleb said. “He is not going near that chamber again.”

“But hold on,” said Beau. “Didn’t we want to check out the ruins?”

“Maybe just a few of us could do that,” Yasha said.

“Yeah,” Jester said. “Vilya was telling me about this cool thing she can do where she travels through trees or something. She can only do it once a day, but if Caleb went with, he could Polymorph and carry someone back. I would go, but I’m tapped.”

“Yah, I still have some spells left,” Caleb said.

“I’ll go too,” said Yasha.

“I'm staying," Fjord said. No one seemed surprised.

"I'm with you, Cap'n," said Beau.

"I'll stay too," Veth said. Fjord raised his eyebrows, surprised she would choose to stay, since Caleb was going. Her face was neutral, staring out towards the sea.

"Okay, then that's settled," Jester said, wading out of the water and wringing out the hem of her dress. "But whatever you do, you guys, DON'T get into a fight."

"I have a little healing if we run into trouble," Yasha said. "But you're right. No fighting."

Less than an hour later, they watched as Vilya opened a tree, running through with Caleb and Yasha and vanishing into nothingness. It closed behind them with a snap.

"Wow," Veth said. “Now, don’t tell Caleb, but that is very impressive. So much better than a teleportation circle.”

“No kidding,” said Beau. “Traveling like that, we wouldn’t have to burst in on someone in a library or palace whatever.”

“We could even use Caduceus’ tree to get to the Xhorhouse,” Fjord said. He watched Beau and Jester smile, exchanging a look at his phrasing. Fjord bristled, clearing his throat. “Whatever. Bursting in like assholes is much more on-brand for us. Come on, if we’re going to have a party, let’s gather some wood for a fire, make things more comfortable.”

“Whatever you say, Cap’n” said Beau, with a shit-eating grin. “Veth, you coming?”

“I’ll stay with Mr. Clay,” she said, settling on the sand next to the sleeping firbolg.

Fjord studied Veth for a moment. He didn’t know whether her mothering instinct was kicking in or if something else was going on. Regardless, he appreciated her care. He, Beau, and Jester headed into the nearby jungle. Finding dry wood was no easy task. Much of it was wet or rotted. Eventually, Fjord made his way back with a meager armful.

"--hurt a lot. More than I thought it would," Caduceus' low rumble reached Fjord before he broke through the treeline. He paused at hearing his friend's words. "The worst part--"

His voice cut off. Fjord moved forward quietly until he could see where Caduceus sat with his back toward Fjord. Veth was with him, hand on his, a look of patient understanding on her face.

"Take your time," she said.

"The worst part," Caduceus said. "Was him watching. Enjoying it. The glee, the…"

"The laughter," Veth said.

"Yeah," Caduceus said shakily. "Knowing that that might be the last thing I ever saw. His eyes. Mocking me."

Veth didn't reply, other than to grip his hand tighter. She glanced toward Fjord, invitation in her gaze. He shook his head, retreating further into the trees. Veth was a better person by far to walk Caduceus through this. Fjord had similar experiences with water, but as a sailor, he had dealt with the possibility of drowning long ago. It didn't change how he felt about water. And U'kotoa had never actually drowned him. Hadn't watched him die and enjoyed it. Fjord huffed out a breath, trying to cool the knot of boiling rage in his stomach as he thought of what Vokodo had done. Yes, it was better for Veth to talk with Caduceus. Fjord needed to work through his own feelings surrounding Caduceus' death before he could be of any help.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" Beau appeared at his elbow.

"What, the wood?" He said, knowing full well what she meant.

"No. Well, yeah it does, but I mean Caduceus," she sighed "It's great that he's back, but… it's not something you get over right away, is it?"

"No," he said. "We just have to be there. Be diligent, let him know we've got his back."

"Sure," she said, bumping his shoulder. "Didn't just mean him though."

Fjord turned to look at her, confused.

"Come on, man," she said, rolling her eyes, "We all were messed up by what happened. I'm just saying, if you ever wanna talk, I'm here."

Fjord was quiet for a long moment as the two of them tramped through the undergrowth.

"Thank you, Beau," he said, finally. "I know you're right, and I will, just… maybe after we kill Vokodo, alright?"

"That's fair."

"Same goes for you too, if you need to talk."

"Yeah, I might take you up on that," Beau said. She hesitated before speaking again. "And, you know, if there's anything else you want to get off your chest… about anybody… about Caduceus, or… anybody."

"Alright, now you're just trolling for gossip," he said, grinning.

"I am not!" She said, affronted. "I'm an Expositor. It’s called investigating, and it’s part of my job. Don’t make me punch the truth out of you.”

She did punch him, but she also let the subject drop. Fjord was grateful. He hadn’t had a chance to work through his feelings, or what they might mean for the future. He didn’t think he could put them into words. Not yet.

Before long, they met up with Jester and returned to Caduceus and Veth.

Caduceus was sleeping again when they came back. Veth nodded to them as they deposited the fire wood and began to set up camp.

Just as the sun was beginning to set, two massive owls soared down to land among them. One deposited Yasha before reverting into Caleb, the other transformed into Vilya.

"Strange news," Caleb said. "We ran into some trouble at the ruins. Of the undead variety."

"Oh my gosh," said Jester. "Are you guys okay?"

"We're fine," he assured them. "We did not want to pick a fight, just the three of us. So we talked. Turns out, they are not fans of Vokodo either. We told them we had a group of powerful fighters here, ready to take onnVokodo in the morning. They agreed to help. They'll make their way here throughout the night. In the morning, we fight. Afterwards, they want us to send them home."

"Home?" Veth asked. "Where are they from, originally?"

"I'm not entirely sure," Caleb said. "The Shadowfell seems like a good bet. Apparently, Vokodo pulled them here somehow."

"That's what I wanted to tell you." Startled, Fjord turned to see Caduceus, awake and aware.

"I had a vision," he continued. “While I was on the other side. Vokodo isn't from here. He's from the Astral Sea.”

“What, like in the Happy Fun Ball?” Jester said. “Where the Dreadnought was?”

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Caduceus nodded. “He was running from something, and he came here in a panic. Tore through other planes and brought little pieces with him. That’s why everything here is so… strange.”

“That is very helpful,” Caleb said, looking eager. “Jester, if you and I pack Banishment tomorrow, we can send him packing, back where he came from, and he will stay there.”

“Yeah, I can do that, thanks Caduceus!” Jester said. “There’s something else I can do to help tonight.”

Jester pulled out a jewelled chalice. Soon, a feast was set before them, pancakes, mushrooms, bacon, pastries, chocolate bugs, and tea. The mood became light, almost bubbling as relief hit them, even in the face of the approaching battle. They had Caduceus back. They had each other. Fjord let his gaze travel to Caduceus again and again, comforted at the sight of him, admiring the way the firelight danced across his soft, sleepy features. Every so often, Caduceus would feel Fjord’s eyes on him and look up, smiling.

Fjord didn’t look away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with this, for the kudos, for the comments. You rock.  
> Next chapter: kill Vokodo.  
> And Fjord and Caduceus talk :)


	5. Death Ward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A battle.

The chamber pulsed with a lurid orange glow. The temperature of the water rose. Vokodo knew why they were here. As his massive form descended on them, the Mighty Nein prepared to fight for their lives. As Fjord looked around for a good place to hide, he thanked the Wildmother that at least Caduceus was safe.

* * *

_ "I could stay just outside the entrance--" _

_ "NO." _

_ Fjord heard at least three other voices join his own in dismissing the firbolg's ridiculous idea. Their friend still looked terribly unwell. He had slept through dawn, waking up midmorning, disappointed that he hadn't been able to cook breakfast for everyone. Now, he was trying to argue his way into coming with them, instead of waiting in safety with Vilya. _

_ "There's a few helpful spells that only last a minute," he said, speaking in that measured, controlled way that meant he was well and truly frustrated. "I can tap you right before you go in." _

_ "Maybe let Jester handle that sort of thing,” Caleb said. “Just for today.” _

_ “She shouldn’t have to,” Caduceus shot back. “Both of you will need to focus on trying to Banish him. He’s not going to come after me in the tunnel if he’s busy with all of you.” _

_ “And could you stay out?” Beau asked, arms folded in front of her. “If one of us went down, would you really hang back, or would you rush in?” _

_ “If one of you goes down, I think you’ll be glad I came along,” Caduceus replied, crossing his own arms. “If not, you won’t even know I’m there.” _

_ "But we will," said Fjord, pushing aside his frustration allowing his concern to show through. "And I, for one don't want to spend half the battle worrying about your safety. If you won’t go back to the village, at least stay out of harm’s way. Please.” _

_ Caduceus paused, looking down and away. After a moment, he sighed. _

_ “Okay,” he said. “I wouldn’t want to be a distraction. But take Vilya with you, so I know you have someone else who can heal. And let me come to the cavern. It’ll be safe there, and I can do a few things to help before you go.” _

* * *

Beau surged forward, laying into the creature with her fists. Light flashed. Psychic energy burst from the walls around them. Fjord’s attention was pulled between their undead allies swarming around Vokodo and a storm cloud forming in the water above their heads to spit lightning. Yasha was moving toward the creature, Caleb was casting Counterspell, Veth’s arrows were blossoming from Vokodo’s hide.

“Eldritch Blast!” Fjord yelled. He struck the creature twice, then sent a curse careening toward it. The Wildmother’s symbol was warm in his palm as he ducked out of sight, panting.

* * *

_ The cavern echoed around them as they prepared for battle. _

_ “Excuse me, Fjord,” Caduceus said from behind him. Fjord turned to find him very close, leaning on a tree limb they had fashioned into a temporary staff. _

_ “Yeah, Deuces?” he said, hoping his face wasn’t turning maroon. It felt like it was. _

_ “I need something from you, if it’s alright?” Caduceus leaned forward. _

_ Every muscle in Fjord’s body locked in place. _

_ “Whatever you need,” he said, definitely without his voice cracking at all. _

_ Caduceus moved closer yet, ear barely brushing Fjord’s cheek. Fjord felt a tug on his cloak and looked down. Caduceus was removing the Wildmother’s symbol, the one he had given to Fjord. _

_ “Need it for a minute, to cast some spells,” Caduceus said easily. “You understand.” _

_ Fjord nodded tightly, not trusting his voice at the moment. He met Caduceus’ gaze again. Was that a mischievous glint in his eyes? Maybe Fjord was imagining it… _

* * *

The battle raged on. Beau and Veth were dealing damage as lightning rained from above. A ghost dove into Yasha, but left her just as quickly. Yasha shook her head to clear it, then nodded to the spirit. Her will was her own again.

Unfortunately, the casters were having trouble. Their spells were sliding off of Vokodo to hit members of the Nein. They would have to be smart, or they’d end up killing each other.

Veth cast a spell that made Vokodo recoil in fear. Just as they had planned, Fjord quickly created the image of an Astral Dreadnought to go with it. As Vokodo’s attention shifted, Fjord thanked Melora for sending Caduceus that vision.

The water began to boil around them. It hurt, but wasn’t as dire as it could have been. Again, he thanked Melora for Caduceus.

* * *

_ “Aid, aid, aid…. Wait, I think I can get everybody,” Caduceus said, and Fjord could feel his lifeforce strengthen. "Freedom of Movement, I can get Beau and Yasha... And here you go, Beau, I know you like this one.” _

_ Beau’s fists lit with holy light. _

_ “Now, get going, some of this only lasts an hour,” Caduceus watched as they began to clamber off of the ship and into the water. Fjord started to climb in as well. _

_ “Oh Fjord, wait,” Caduceus said. Fjord turned back as Caduceus approached, holding Fjord's holy symbol. “Can’t have you leaving this behind, can we?” _

_ Caduceus leaned in and gently pinned the symbol back in its place, over Fjord’s heart. He looked up, hand still over the symbol as their eyes met. _

_ “Be careful,” Caduceus said. There was power in the words. Fjord felt it sink through his ribs, spreading warmth and comfort in his chest. _

_ “What was that?” he said, a little breathless. _

_ “Something extra,” Caduceus said, still very close. “In case things go very wrong. You made an offer, Fjord, and I accepted it. I’d like you to stick around to fulfill it.” _

_ “Me too,” said Fjord, words escaping in little more than a whisper. _

_ “FJORD! LET’S GO!” Beau’s voice echoed through the cavern, breaking the haze that had settled in Fjord’s mind. _

_ “RIGHT,” he yelled, directly into Caduceus’ face. “Sorry, I’ve got to go, but you know, we should talk more. Later. About things.” _

_ “We will,” said Caduceus. He backed away, leaning against the staff. _

_ Fjord stepped onto the rail of the ship, then dove backward into the water. He really hoped it looked as cool as it felt. _

_ He caught up to the rest of the Nein, ignoring the knowing looks they were giving each other. Lashing themselves together, they set off toward Vokodo. _

* * *

The battle was long and hard. Fjord had planned to hang back, let his illusion do the work for him, but his temper got the better of him. He wanted Vokodo to feel Star Razor’s fury, to fall to the very sword it had murdered Caduceus over. The fear in Vokodo’s eyes was well worth the burns Fjord sustained when he struck.

Still, he felt worn-- from the burning of the water and a few lucky hits from Vokodo, though most of the monster’s attention was still fixed on Fjord’s illusion.

Lightning shot from above once more, headed straight for Vokodo. At the last second, it veered, striking Fjord in the chest. His vision darkened. Sound fell away.

_ No!  _ He thought.  _ Not yet! _

Tapping into a primal survival instinct, he forced himself back from the brink through sheer force of will.

Vokodo loomed before him. One more hit and Fjord was finished.

Then, Vokodo was gone.

Banished.

“Fjord, are you alright?” Jester swam up, filling him with a rush of healing energy before the searing heat of the water could drag him under again. “Okay, if I can hold this spell, Vokodo will stay gone, permanently. But…”

“Do you think we could finish him off?” Veth asked.

“He’s still got Deuces' stuff,” Beau said, fists still alight. “And a fuckton of other loot.”

“Okay,” said Caleb. “If we are going to do this, everyone, get ready. Let’s gather where he last was.”

They moved quickly, surrounding the space where Vokodo had been, they readied attacks.

“Alright,” Jester said. “NOW!”

Vokodo appeared, panic and fear radiating off of him in waves. Fists flew, metal flashed, arrows wizzed, spells pulsed. Fjord didn’t hesitate. He plunged Star Razor deeping into Vokodo’s side. Vokodo screamed, turning hateful eyes toward Fjord.

A green beam of light flashed from Caleb. It streaked toward Vokodo.

Then it bent toward Fjord.

It struck him in the chest.

He could hear his friends around him, panicking, screaming. He could see Caleb’s stricken face, Vokodo’s triumphant glare.

Fjord knew what would happen next. He had seen it himself, the way creatures crumbled in the wake of this spell, leaving nothing but ashes behind.

It was too bad. He hated disappointing Caduceus. He had really been looking forward to that talk.

He waited to fall to pieces, to scatter on the current.

It didn’t happen.

It hurt, his vision dimmed once again. But warmth pulsed from his chest, as familiar, life-giving energy pulled him back from the brink.

_ Caduceus… _

Vokodo screamed in rage once more, but the shriek cut off abruptly. His tentacles shriveled, as if the moisture was pulled from his body. The glowing eyes clouded over and sunk in. The internal flames of the monster dimmed, then went out. The husk drifted for a moment, then began to dissolve into algae, lichen, strange sea fungi. Parts of him drifted up and away, revealing a triumphant, if slightly sheepish Caduceus.

“Well,” he said, smiling. “That was a whole thing…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah… I added another chapter. Epilogues don’t really count as chapters though… right? I probably won’t post it till Monday though. I need a break, and I’d like to let some of what happens in 106 inform how we wind down.  
> For the curious, Aid increases HP max and current HP, Caduceus cast Death Ward on Fjord and secretly cast Freedom of Movement on himself so he could follow. Finally, he hit Vokodo with a 6th level Blight. Cause nobody tries to disintegrate his husba-- I mean paladin.


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk between two soft nature boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My hand slipped, so things maaaay go slightly beyond pre-relationship after the page break. Very veeeeery slightly, but… yeah. Oops.

Fjord couldn’t seem to let his guard down. After recovering from the strange, disturbing vision they all shared, he and Jester had gotten Caduceus out of the scalding chamber as quickly as possible. Both had launched into a tirade of semi-coherent scolding-- for following them, for getting close to Vokodo again. Caduceus had looked remorseful, but couldn’t quite hold back the satisfied smirk that kept spreading across his face. Eventually, Fjord gave up and focussed on making sure his friend made it out of the tunnels safely. He couldn’t begrudge Caduceus landing the final blow on Vokodo. Hopefully, it would help set his mind at ease to know the false god was well and truly dead.

Even after Jester’s brilliance got them out of the ship-filled cavern safely, Fjord was on edge. The village of Vo was tense. Old relationships were fracturing and new, tentative alliances formed. It made Fjord nervous. He tried his best to ignore every time Caduceus wanted to go walk out in the village, hoping his friend would drop the subject and stay safely out of sight. Unfortunately, Caduceus continued to be stubborn, acting if nothing was wrong, as if he hadn’t been dead on the ground less than a day ago.

At last, they bedded down for an evening’s rest in Vilya’s chambers. The dome went up, and they all packed in, close and comfortable. Caduceus and Beau curled up near each other, as the firbolg tried to ease the effects of Veth’s flask on his human friend. Both dozed off. Jester and Yasha carefully pulled the half-finished tea cups from their loose grasps, then nestled in on either side of the sleeping pair. Yasha had glanced at Fjord before before bedding down. He quickly busied himself with his sleeping roll to cover the fact that he had been staring. When he looked up again, they were all peacefully at rest.

The night was not so peaceful for Fjord. He woke often, not sleeping deeply enough even to dream. When he woke, he was disoriented, not sure if he was on their ship, in the Xhorhouse, or somewhere else. Each time, he was pulled roughly to full awareness by a panicking need to see Caduceus. Looking at his friend, asleep and unharmed, would settle his pulse enough to drift off briefly, then the cycle would begin again.

Which made it easy to notice when Caduceus left.

Fjord felt himself pulled from the light veil of sleep as the sound of rustling fabric reached his ears. Squinting in the darkness, he saw Caduceus rise, quietly extricating himself from the rest of the party and leaving the dome by the scant light of the moon.

Fjord waited only a handful of moments before following. He found Caduceus not far off, settled among the branches of the tree. His ears flicked in Fjord’s direction as he moved closer.

“You should be sleeping,” Fjord said, finding a comfortable spot among the boughs near his friend.

“I’ve gotten enough rest,” Caduceus replied. He was leaning back face tilted toward the sky. “I’m used to this watch. And… I wanted to see the sun rise.”

Fjord nodded, though Caduceus couldn’t see him. He’d understand anyway. He always did.

Quiet settled around them. The tight, knotted muscles of Fjord’s shoulders and back relaxed. Somehow, sitting here with Caduceus felt more restful than the rest of his sleep had.

“I haven’t properly thanked you,” Caduceus said, voice gentle and easy, mingling with wind that whispered through the leaves. “For calling me back. For the song.”

“Not at all,” Fjord answered, trying to push down his embarrassment and discomfort. He had made a promise, hadn’t he? He could be open. For Caduceus. “It felt like rather a poor contribution, if I’m being honest. Jester and Yasha, they were magnificent.”

“They really were,” Caduceus said. Fjord could hear his smile in the dark. “But you were… uniquely suited to contribute. And what you offered… it was beautiful. I couldn’t have hoped… wouldn’t have dreamed of being given something like that.”

Fjord felt his face flush, but that was alright. That was part of it, wasn’t it? Of being seen. Being known.

“I meant every word,” he said. “You’ve shown me things about myself… well, I wouldn’t even know what I was missing, if not for you. My world was so small. I kept it that way-- small and narrow. You’ve opened up my horizons.”

“That’s funny,” Caduceus said. “I feel exactly the same way about you.”

Silence settled between them for a moment, not awkward, but alight. Fjord didn’t quite know where to go from here. He suspected that it was uncharted waters for them both.

“As for the song,” he said after a minute or two. “I’d love to sing it for you again, sometime. Maybe not wait for such drastic circumstances to give repeat performance.”

“I’d like that,” Caduceus chuckled grimly. “Better not to wait. Circumstances probably won’t work out quite as well next time.”

The damp air suddenly felt chill against Fjord’s skin.

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Caduceus said, casually. “It gets harder every time, doesn’t it? To come back. And this was… number four for me? No three. Just three.”

“You… What?” said Fjord. “Caduceus, are you saying that you’ve died _three times_?”

“Well yeah,” he said. “There’s a thing in my family… that’s not important right now. But yeah, the more times you step beyond the veil, the harder it is to come back.”

Fjord was stricken for a moment. The thought of death was always daunting, but it had been less so since Jester and Caduceus had gained the power to reverse it. Hearing that it might not always work, that Caduceus had already been claimed by the Raven Queen  _ three times _ …

"We'll just have to be more careful," said Fjord. "I'll take on the task personally. No more dying for Caduceus."

"Everything dies, Fjord."

"Not you," he said, more sharply than he intended. "Not while I'm around."

“You might not always be around.”

There was a deep sadness in Caduceus’ words. They settled around Fjord’s shoulders, heavy with meaning and sorrow. That wouldn’t do. Not tonight.

“Oh no,” Fjord said playfully. “I’m not letting you out of my sight again. I’ve learned your ways. From now on, wherever you go, I am there, I am watching, I’m--”

A flutter of pink energy, and the world went dark.

“What have you learned now?” Caduceus’ voice was close, soft and teasing.

“...I’m fine,” Fjord squeaked with as much dignity as he could muster.

“Sure you are,” said Caduceus. Fjord’s sight returned in a rush. “I am sorry though. About in the tunnels. Fighting you that way. Seemed like the thing to do at the time.”

“I understand,” said Fjord, smiling. “Not at all.”

The sounds of the night closed in around them as a comfortable silence fell, and the night wore on.

* * *

The first gray touches of dawn had crept into the sky when Caduceus spoke again.

“Fjord,” he said slowly, as if we were choosing his words carefully. “You know I’m a big believer in honesty. That’s why I really appreciated what you said, and I… I want to do the same.”

He looked at Fjord as the sun rose behind him. They were close enough that Fjord could see the little flecks of blue and pink in his violet eyes, could smell the scent of wet forest and dry herbs that clung to Caduceus.

“I’m not always as honest as I could be,” said Caduceus. “More often than not, that means I’ve been dishonest with myself. I’m good at… putting things aside. Thoughts, worries… feelings. When I think they won’t be helpful. When I think they might make things difficult. But you’ve been very honest with me. I want you to know that I appreciate that, that I appreciate your feelings, and that… that I myself have feelings. And--wow, I feel like I’m talking a lot-- but I just want you to know that I’m saying this for the sake of honesty, not because I expect anything from you or that it should change anything between us--”

“Caduceus,” Fjord said quietly.

Caduceus rambling cut off with a “mmph.”

Fjord took his hand. It was warm.

Somehow, Caduceus’ sudden bout of nerves had calmed Fjord’s own anxiety. He looked into Caduceus’ eyes, calm and certain.

“I’m in love with you,” Fjord said simply. “Is that how you feel about me?”

There was a pause. Then Caduceus nodded, looking dazed.

“If that’s the case,” Fjord continued. “I do want things to change between us. That’s the nature of growing things, isn’t it? They change.”

A warm, lopsided grin spread on Caduceus’ face.

“Wow,” he said, glowing in the first light of morning. “That is so true.”

Fjord smiled back, feeling warmth course through his chest as a breeze swirled around them. They stayed in the tree’s embrace, hand in hand, side by side, as the new day dawned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the kudos, comments, and just for reading! This has been a really encouraging experience, and it just makes me excited to write more in the future :D


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